Gary: As Lisa has said in her blog 2005 started out as a fantastic year.  It was (and still is) the only time I’ve been to Europe, and it was in many ways the best year of our lives together. We had a wonderful time in France, first staying in Paris for a couple of days, wandering the streets and enjoying the sights.   

While in France Lisa and I went on a bicycle trip through Provence and also visited some family friends in another region.  Our trip was really special.  We stayed in castles and chateaus by night, then every morning we hit the road and enjoyed the spectacular countryside. Provence is a beautiful area, but our route took us over many steep hills, and I was typically the one huffing and puffing as the last person in the group to make it up the hills! One of the great things about the trip is that we feasted on gourmet meals, but because of the biking we didn’t gain weight!  I had learned a little French before we left and I could tell that the French people we met appreciated my efforts. For some people the French have a reputation for being aloof, snobby, whatever you want to call it, but we found them to be friendly and helpful – perhaps part of it was my attempts to speak their language.  I remember one time being on a train and Lisa and I were hungry. I approached a lady and tried to ask her if there was a dining car on the train. Finally, a light went on and she said “Yum-yum, Yum-yum??” I said “Oui!! – Yum-yum” and she pointed us in the direction to get something to eat.  Here’s a picture of us on our bike trip (taken on one of the few flat areas!):

I had a great job at a company with an office in El Segundo, CA – just 4 miles from where we lived in Redondo Beach. I was an attorney and also was a Vice President of the company. Because my boss traveled so much, I became the “go-to” guy in the office and handled not only my job but whatever personnel issues arose from time to time. All of us in the office got along great and we became friends, and still are.  Unfortunately for Lisa and I the company was sold in 2005 to a large conglomerate and over the next two years things would drastically change. While writing this I received a call asking me if I wanted to go to lunch today with 2 of the guys from the office. They are the 2 guys in the first photo below who are on the far left and far right of the picture. The other photo is from the day I left to take another job in 2007 and has almost everyone from the office in it.  This was a great time in my life.

The latter part of 2005 was not wonderful at all. Lisa’s father became very ill and they moved to Redondo Beach to be closer to us. As such, we were witnesses to his decline and the futile efforts of the doctors to knock out his lymphoma. He ended up dying from his weakened condition caused by the chemo treatments, but to the doctors, they had “cured” the lymphoma. After he passed, Lisa’s mom, who had counted on and relied so heavily on her husband, came and lived with us. Even though she was in the early stages of dementia, we enjoyed some good times together before she moved into assisted living. While living with us, “Mom” is the one who got me hooked on eating chocolate covered almonds.  I have to admit that I’ve become a regular chocoholic!     

2005 is a year that will always be seared in my memory because it would set the roller coaster ride of the next 8 years into motion. What started out as the best year of our lives together, transpired into something that was completely unexpected and all consuming.  This story is about how I took on a new role for my parents’ called ‘Caregiver’; a role that no one really understands until you are deeply living it.       

Gary and I were doing well; we were both flourishing at work and enjoying life.  I started a coaching practice in 2001 and worked with entrepreneurial business owners and professionals.  The fruits of my labor had paid off and it had grown into a thriving referral based business.   We had been married 6 years, had achieved some milestone goals and could finally say that we were financially comfortable and on plan.  In June we celebrated by going on a dream vacation, visiting friends and bicycling in the Provence area of France.  We had taken a French class prior to the trip. Gary was amazing; he picked up enough of the language to get around quite well in Paris and in the countryside.  It was the best trip ever and it was the best year ever because so many great things were happening.     

The tables then turned.  Just when we thought we had accomplished sustainable momentum in our lives and thought that we were on a roll, July 2005 brought some bad news.  My dad was diagnosed with Stage 3 lymphoma at age 78 and my mom age 87 was starting to show signs of dementia.  Dad and Mom had always been very active and bounced back and forth between Costa Rica and a remote area of northern California.  Everything changed. In order for Dad to go through chemo, the oncologist told us that he would need to live within at least 20 minutes to a hospital and their current living situation didn’t cut it.  We all agreed that they would move to Redondo Beach, so they rented an apartment in very close proximity to our home.  
By the end of 2005, Dad’s health was deteriorating rapidly and their situation required more and more of my time.  As a daughter, there is an innate sense to “take care” of our loved ones.   You can really be taken aback and unprepared by a sudden change in your role in any relationship.  In my dad’s case, he was the strong one, a driven and accomplished individual.  People depended on him.  There was no way that this could possibly be happening. We always assumed that because my mom was older and had had some health problems that she would be the first to go. Something inside you goes into auto pilot because it’s your parents and you find yourself doing whatever you can to help because you love them. It’s a natural reaction.   It is very easy to place others’ needs before your own and it can happen even on an unconscious level.   There is one thing that I am going to be saying over and over again:  There is no roadmap on this journey when you are caring for a loved one and every situation is going to be different.  Being needed and being on high alert and overdrive for a loved one can become a trap before you realize what is happening.  The next thing you know, you are living in a state of adrenalin and your life is completely out of balance. Our first trip to the ER was when Dad couldn’t sleep and took it upon himself to take an additional sleeping pill.  He fell in the bathroom, hitting his head in the middle of the night.  Your life can quickly become about waiting for the next drama to occur and you won’t even realize that the quality of your life is in jeopardy.     

My dad died in May of 2006.  He died in Costa Rica which is a story and adventure in and of itself to be told at a later time.  After dad Died, Mom moved in and lived with us for almost 6 months before moving to an assisted living community in Northern California.  

A lot can happen in a year and this story just scratches the surface of all that did happen that year.  In addition, the company that Gary worked for sold to a large Fortune 50 company and would start changing drastically over the next two years. But before I share another story, my next blog will talk about the words Caregiver versus Care Partner (a term used by The Alzheimer’s Association) and why I think it’s important to pay attention to how you use these terms and how it may help you maintain your perspective and quality of life.            

How do you know that you or your loved one may have Early Memory Loss or Alzheimer’s disease?  Unfortunately, there is no simple answer to this very complicated question. Alzheimer’s was certainly the last thing on my mind until we got closer to the point of receiving the diagnosis. Even though my husband and I both knew that something was terribly wrong because our marriage was under great duress; the big "Z" word was not on the radar.  One of the main reasons for this is because Alzheimer’s shows up in such subtle and random ways over time; it is not consistent or linear in the beginning.
If someone were to have told me nine years ago back in 2005 what my husband Gary and I would go through by the year 2014, I would never have believed them.  Never in a million years.  He was my hero and he still is, however today he is a different kind of hero for me.   Gary was diagnosed with MCI (Mild Cognitive Impairment)/ Early Onset Alzheimer’s at the age of 63 in December of 2012 by a neurologist.  The diagnosis came almost as a strange relief in  being able to label what had been happening to our marriage and our financial stability over the last several years.  I have to tell you that Gary has taken this diagnosis with the utmost grace and dignity, but the journey leading to his diagnosis was filled with sadness, grief, struggle, anger and isolation; nearly destroying our marriage, our self confidence and everything that we had worked so hard to achieve  together.

Now that we know what it is we are dealing with, Gary and I have decided to take action and turn this chapter of our lives into something that can make a difference.  We have created AlzAcrossAmerica to write and speak about our journey to help raise awareness for Early Memory Loss/ Alzheimer’s disease because we know that we are not alone.  It wasn’t until Gary was finally diagnosed that we were able to reach out for help and join a support group through our local Alzheimer’s Association.  I cannot say enough about the lifeline that the Alzheimer’s Association has been for us and we encourage everyone to reach out and to access all and any tools and resources available to make the quality of your life healthier and more livable.  We know that NO ONE gets it or understands what you are going through unless they are living it too.  AlzAcrossAmerica is about helping to bridge the gap and connect with others who can relate to what you are experiencing.  It’s about the building of a conscious community that needs to grow in unity as those affected are able to grasp what is happening, access tools and resources and no longer be embarrassed, ashamed or isolated.  Did you know that every 64 seconds someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease?   I feel like a Paul Revere of modern times because a staggering number of our generation, the Baby Boomers, will be either the one with Memory Loss or will be a care partner for a loved one. Like it or not, the odds are not in our favor.  Gary and my old goals and dreams may be shattered, but our new vision is to start locally in the south bay of Los Angeles so that we can reach out to those affected and to help create awareness for Alzheimer’s Disease, particularly Early Memory Loss and make it okay for those affected to come out of the shadows and reclaim their lives while they still can.  This community needs to grow so that talking about Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia can be discussed in the open.   We invite you to join us.  
In service with hope, peace,and goodness,
Lisa Bricker

My name is Gary Bricker. I have been diagnosed with “early (or “young”) onset” Alzheimer’s disease.  I am, or more correctly I used to be, a transactional Real Estate Attorney, and as such I primarily created commercial real estate documents such as leases, purchase agreements, construction contracts and the like.  I never worked for a law firm and always worked for companies that owned and/or leased a great deal of real estate due to the needs of their core business, or were companies solely in the real estate business.  Now I can no longer do any legal work and I miss being able to do so. In fact I lost my last two jobs for large companies, one of which was with a national company where I was a Vice President and Corporate Real Estate Counsel. I once was very good at my profession and it filled me with satisfaction to help companies/people get their real estate needs fulfilled.  The realization that this disease was the reason that I lost my last two jobs came hard, but it also answered the question as to why I had struggled so much in those jobs and ultimately lost them.

I am lucky in so many ways, however, mainly because I married a wonderful woman – my wife Lisa.  She and I have begun this new chapter in our lives, dealing with this insidious disease that I have. In a way it has been a blessing to have been diagnosed, because it answered many questions – prior to the diagnosis we had no explanation for my forgetfulness. I thought I might have Attention Deficit Disorder and Lisa thought maybe I was just not paying attention to what was said, etc. because I couldn’t always remember things she talked to me about. Now we have the answer and we have learned so much about Alzheimer’s and other types of Memory Loss, which has helped us to cope with the disease.

As a result of my diagnosis, and the realization that this disease currently has no cure and ends in death, we wish to be part of the solution and not part of the problem.  Unless a cure is found, this disease is going to decimate the Baby Boomer generation – and frankly already has a strangle hold on many of us due to income loss, cost of care and other expenses. Lisa and I decided to create AlzAcrossAmerica – a non-profit organization aimed at creating greater awareness of this disease – to let people that are affected by Alzheimer’s and other memory loss problems know that they are not alone and there is support available to them and the care-partners that assist and support them. We look forward to hearing your stories as we share our stories with you on this journey called "life".
GB