Lisa: A few weeks ago I woke up after having somewhat of an unsettling dream and of all things, this Mother Goose Nursery Rhyme played in my head...over and over and over....
“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the Kings horses and all the Kings men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again”
Wasn’t Humpty Dumpty an egg? An egg that fell from a wall and cracked and they couldn’t put him back together. The rhyme sounded so strongly in my mind this morning that it left me pondering how it may be looked at metaphorically in my life.
It’s no secret that Gary and I have been through a lot together in the last nine years; a non-stop chain of events and reactions that led to his diagnosis. Things are calmer now that we know what is happening to him; to us. We also know that the journey certainly is not over by a long shot and there is no way to predict how this disease will play out for either one of us.
The earliest known version of “Humpty Dumpty” was published in Samuel Arnold’s Juvenile Amusements in 1797, with the lyrics:
“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Four-score men and Four-score more,
Could not make Humpty Dumpty where he was before”
I am forever changed by the events and circumstances related to this disease.. The formation of Alz Across America has surrounded me with a wonderful group of friends and advisors who only want the best for me. Most of them know me from the coaching practice that I used to have here in the South Bay community and are supporting me in getting back on that bicycle and riding again. The stumbling block is that I am no longer the way I was before and no matter what the external support looks like. The changes that have occurred within me now require me to reinvent myself professionally from the inside out. Humpty Dumpty was never able to return to the way he was before and neither will I, no matter how much “all the king’s horses and all the king’s men” try to help me.
When I allow myself to feel the weight of life these days, every decision no matter how large or small seems to carry a risk that affects the future in some way, shape or form. Moving forward is not easy under these circumstances. I find myself where many other care partners find themselves….looking for balance, walking a fine line in the role of a care partner while doing my best not to lose my sacred self. This is now a spiritual journey for me personally. It always has been, but I am declaring it so and will incorporate this into my future professional path as a coach. This journey is a complete walk of faith and with each step forward I have to put my foot down and make sure the ground doesn’t move out from underneath me as it has done so often in the past. Even when the path seems to be so clear, the forward movement is not so easy. I may not even realize just how much my psyche has gone through, but sometimes the resistance I feel in taking new steps is evidence enough. It all becomes much easier when I let go and allow my intuition and faith to guide me. I meditate and practice this daily and it is paying off.
Alzheimer’s disease and other related forms of dementia require those of us who are affected to somehow piece together our shattered selves and move forward. Humpty Dumpty was never able to be put back together. We will never be the same either, but we will move on with gifts and amazing grace if we open ourselves to the opportunity. We live in a culture that is all about doing and not about being. We can achieve so much more by being with the process and taking one step at a time. We must be gentle and kind to ourselves as we move forward, for we are pioneering our own ways to maintain a quality of life in a society that is conditioned to believe that everything needs to be bigger and faster, more, more, and then even more. This world is moving much faster than we are and in our situation we must reinvent our own navigational systems in uncharted waters. As care partners, we know that our loved ones are or will be digressing while the rest of the world seems to go about their daily lives. We must be mindful of our progress each day no matter how small. We must find ways to validate ourselves and each other. If there is a silver lining and lesson at all with this terrible disease, it is the realization that we are gaining a very rich wisdom to share with others. It is so very important to be able to rely on our own values and intuition. When we are able to guide ourselves along on our own authentic paths, we may savor the precious present with our loved ones every chance we get. This is the deep work that I am committed to living and teaching to others. It is work that is not necessarily acknowledged in our society, but my intuition tells me that I am on the right path. There is beauty on this spiritual journey and we must always remember to breathe in the fresh air of every new day. Namaste.
LB
“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the Kings horses and all the Kings men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again”
Wasn’t Humpty Dumpty an egg? An egg that fell from a wall and cracked and they couldn’t put him back together. The rhyme sounded so strongly in my mind this morning that it left me pondering how it may be looked at metaphorically in my life.
It’s no secret that Gary and I have been through a lot together in the last nine years; a non-stop chain of events and reactions that led to his diagnosis. Things are calmer now that we know what is happening to him; to us. We also know that the journey certainly is not over by a long shot and there is no way to predict how this disease will play out for either one of us.
The earliest known version of “Humpty Dumpty” was published in Samuel Arnold’s Juvenile Amusements in 1797, with the lyrics:
“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Four-score men and Four-score more,
Could not make Humpty Dumpty where he was before”
I am forever changed by the events and circumstances related to this disease.. The formation of Alz Across America has surrounded me with a wonderful group of friends and advisors who only want the best for me. Most of them know me from the coaching practice that I used to have here in the South Bay community and are supporting me in getting back on that bicycle and riding again. The stumbling block is that I am no longer the way I was before and no matter what the external support looks like. The changes that have occurred within me now require me to reinvent myself professionally from the inside out. Humpty Dumpty was never able to return to the way he was before and neither will I, no matter how much “all the king’s horses and all the king’s men” try to help me.
When I allow myself to feel the weight of life these days, every decision no matter how large or small seems to carry a risk that affects the future in some way, shape or form. Moving forward is not easy under these circumstances. I find myself where many other care partners find themselves….looking for balance, walking a fine line in the role of a care partner while doing my best not to lose my sacred self. This is now a spiritual journey for me personally. It always has been, but I am declaring it so and will incorporate this into my future professional path as a coach. This journey is a complete walk of faith and with each step forward I have to put my foot down and make sure the ground doesn’t move out from underneath me as it has done so often in the past. Even when the path seems to be so clear, the forward movement is not so easy. I may not even realize just how much my psyche has gone through, but sometimes the resistance I feel in taking new steps is evidence enough. It all becomes much easier when I let go and allow my intuition and faith to guide me. I meditate and practice this daily and it is paying off.
Alzheimer’s disease and other related forms of dementia require those of us who are affected to somehow piece together our shattered selves and move forward. Humpty Dumpty was never able to be put back together. We will never be the same either, but we will move on with gifts and amazing grace if we open ourselves to the opportunity. We live in a culture that is all about doing and not about being. We can achieve so much more by being with the process and taking one step at a time. We must be gentle and kind to ourselves as we move forward, for we are pioneering our own ways to maintain a quality of life in a society that is conditioned to believe that everything needs to be bigger and faster, more, more, and then even more. This world is moving much faster than we are and in our situation we must reinvent our own navigational systems in uncharted waters. As care partners, we know that our loved ones are or will be digressing while the rest of the world seems to go about their daily lives. We must be mindful of our progress each day no matter how small. We must find ways to validate ourselves and each other. If there is a silver lining and lesson at all with this terrible disease, it is the realization that we are gaining a very rich wisdom to share with others. It is so very important to be able to rely on our own values and intuition. When we are able to guide ourselves along on our own authentic paths, we may savor the precious present with our loved ones every chance we get. This is the deep work that I am committed to living and teaching to others. It is work that is not necessarily acknowledged in our society, but my intuition tells me that I am on the right path. There is beauty on this spiritual journey and we must always remember to breathe in the fresh air of every new day. Namaste.
LB
RSS Feed
